(NEW HAVEN, CT) Discipline & Punish took the field Sunday against Biohazards looking to rebound from an opening day loss at the hands of Shoots & Leaves. While technically once earning no points toward their campaign total, the team did earn valuable street cred through the actions of goalkeeper John Hartley, which in the end I think we can all agree is more important.
In the 25th minute of the then 1-0 game, a Biohazard player burst through on goal. Hartley rushed out and bent to scoop up the ball when the Biohazard striker smashed into him. The collision broke Hartley's nose, but the D&P goalie not only prevented a second Biohazard score, but stayed in the game and subsequently produced a number excellent saves.
“John's toughness really impressed me,” stated D&P midfielder Matt Higbee. “I don't really know John that well, and when I saw him standing between the pipes in that flaming pink shirt, I had some doubts. He answered those pretty immediately with the broken nose thing...and fighting that bear (right) to at least a draw.”
Defender Jensen Sass agreed. “I like to think of myself as the toughest hombre on the back line, and think that most opponents would agree. But John, wow. I usually have to make a terrifying flying tackle before forwards show me proper respect. John just looks at them and they quiver. I think it's the goatee. That or they saw the weird warm up where he drew that line across Chapel St. and was jumping out and crushing any SUVs that tried to pass into crumpled heaps. Beating down that posse of Crips couldn't have hurt either.”
Despite the strong defensive effort, D&P found no more joy in the offensive end than they had their first game. A combination of dubious passing and elevation intensive shooting doomed them to their second goalless defeat.
While one might expect that it would have been the defensive unit unhappy with their offensive counterparts, a sour
ce close to D&P Illustrated claims that this was not the case. “The defense was pretty understanding,” the source said, “we were just like 'let's go get'em next week.' We did get a little mad, though, when we overheard some people up front blaming us. They couldn't even score but you hear Liz (pictured left) say things like 'Oh we tried but it's so hard to control a long goal kick with the ground still shaking wildly from the force of John's run up blah blah blah.' You didn't hear that kind of complaining on my German handball team.”
Ultimately, however, the team left with the feeling that they had improved on their opening week performance and could soon be experiencing victory on the pitch. “We don't have a game next week, but I'm completely confident we can get on track the week after that. The break will give us time to rest up, work on some strategy, and let the Yale facilities folk fix the goalposts that John accidentally twisted into little aluminum horseshoes.”
Asked about the sensation he caused in his first appearance, Hartley appeared baffled. “I was just trying to help out the team,” he said. “And, you know, keep Dana from getting pissed at me. I'm terrified of her.”
In the 25th minute of the then 1-0 game, a Biohazard player burst through on goal. Hartley rushed out and bent to scoop up the ball when the Biohazard striker smashed into him. The collision broke Hartley's nose, but the D&P goalie not only prevented a second Biohazard score, but stayed in the game and subsequently produced a number excellent saves.
“John's toughness really impressed me,” stated D&P midfielder Matt Higbee. “I don't really know John that well, and when I saw him standing between the pipes in that flaming pink shirt, I had some doubts. He answered those pretty immediately with the broken nose thing...and fighting that bear (right) to at least a draw.”
Defender Jensen Sass agreed. “I like to think of myself as the toughest hombre on the back line, and think that most opponents would agree. But John, wow. I usually have to make a terrifying flying tackle before forwards show me proper respect. John just looks at them and they quiver. I think it's the goatee. That or they saw the weird warm up where he drew that line across Chapel St. and was jumping out and crushing any SUVs that tried to pass into crumpled heaps. Beating down that posse of Crips couldn't have hurt either.”
Despite the strong defensive effort, D&P found no more joy in the offensive end than they had their first game. A combination of dubious passing and elevation intensive shooting doomed them to their second goalless defeat.
While one might expect that it would have been the defensive unit unhappy with their offensive counterparts, a sour
ce close to D&P Illustrated claims that this was not the case. “The defense was pretty understanding,” the source said, “we were just like 'let's go get'em next week.' We did get a little mad, though, when we overheard some people up front blaming us. They couldn't even score but you hear Liz (pictured left) say things like 'Oh we tried but it's so hard to control a long goal kick with the ground still shaking wildly from the force of John's run up blah blah blah.' You didn't hear that kind of complaining on my German handball team.”Ultimately, however, the team left with the feeling that they had improved on their opening week performance and could soon be experiencing victory on the pitch. “We don't have a game next week, but I'm completely confident we can get on track the week after that. The break will give us time to rest up, work on some strategy, and let the Yale facilities folk fix the goalposts that John accidentally twisted into little aluminum horseshoes.”
Asked about the sensation he caused in his first appearance, Hartley appeared baffled. “I was just trying to help out the team,” he said. “And, you know, keep Dana from getting pissed at me. I'm terrified of her.”
